It’s a strange thing. I thought I was a naturally tech-cynical person. I use the minimum number of apps all on my phone for a specific purpose (at least I tell myself this). All of my browser bookmarks are for banks and grants and podcast things (if we don’t count reddit, amazon, squarespace, and a litany of youtube and camera related tabs). My phone does not allow most apps on cellular other than messages, browsing, and that sort of thing (this last part is true, mostly because I don’t pay for the data).

But then why do I find myself “waking up” suddenly on my bed after 2 hours staring at this device? Why am I jolted out of stupor with my phone precariously in hand slumping on my couch? Why am I carrying a phone into the bathroom when I need to take a shit???

For all my intentions of living for myself, I find myself a slave. Wringing my hands and gesturing to the heavens I beg for some clemency and…. Lo and behold, as my hour grows darkest, a friend appears on the horizon with a book recommendation! “Digital Minimalism” ? Sign me up!

The book is a bit dated now having been published in 2019 but it still shines when it specifies exactly HOW algorithmic programming breaks us down. Gambling? Social Validation? “Like” buttons and scrolling were INVENTED to produce addictive affects? Imagine the goal was not to sell ads or to get us to click anything… but rather to SCROLL ceaselessly. Digital slot machines indeed. The more time spent on the screen the more money Big Tech makes… and more importantly, the more screen time on a mobile device, the more money everyone makes. It’s madness.

How have we come so low? To be beholden by a device that should be a god-send of tools and life hacks only to be reduced to sitting on a toilet too long, binge watching youtube? What madness takes hold that I cannot have a coffee with a friend without incessantly peeking at my screen? To post on social media (not so) secretly praying for likes and comments. To wait for Big Tech Gods to allow me to eat, to pee, to change? May I start my morning coffee? After I’ve scanned depressing headlines on News? Yessir. Only after I’ve popped onto the gram to see if i’m still alive to other? Yes milady. Only after I’ve vaguely nodding and acknowledged my family while grumbling about how dark the room is because i’ve been starting at this glowing screen for so long? Thank you my liege.

Madness.

So what did I do? I started my digital detox. It took 3 rounds/passes to delete everything I didn’t actually need. News was the last. Imagine that. I hate the news. It’s depressing. It’s anxious. It’s demoralizing. And yet I left it on the home screen for 2 rounds of “need it/don’t need it” before finally, with a deep breath, I let go of that panic. Imagine a world where a phone does not have social apps. where it’s sole purpose is to call, allow texts and facetime calls from family back in toronto. to pay for parking. to look at reminders and notes for groceries. And for banking (which honestly, i am now writing and thinking i should delete too… as if i have money to bank with).

The book recommends this process runs for 30 days; the idea being to come back to see what went right and what went wrong. After which, ideally, I can reintroduce any apps that turn out to be essential but to now know how to coral them, control them, use them as they are meant to be: Tools.

I’ll say this. I’m on day 4. I’ve been so hyper productive but also so agitated and alone. I’ve had spans where I don’t know what to do with my hands so i pace my condo until i can come up with something. I’ve read books. I’ve started watching movies and tv shows in intentional blocks. I’m talking to my family directly with love and intention - without any glance away. I’ve called my siblings on my phone (imagine!) and had an hour coffee with my friend. And most importantly I haven’t needed to bring my phone to poop. What a glorious day.

I’ll come back to update this as the experiment unfolds. But for now I’ll remark that I love the possibilities this has opened up. No more crushing anxiety and paranoia of time lost. Replace that with a smaller sense of anxiety on all the time gained.

Look at this even. I wrote a blog post.

Who the fuck am I even? I am a man who no longer needs to watch content to poop. That’s who.